henryevil.livejournal.com

Well shit, coming back here is depressing.

I've decided to abandon this sinking ship with a quickness, in favour of the more spontanuity (tm Caridee)-friendly livejournal format. So you can follow me there, if you care to, where I'll detail my eating habits and potential career of being a background extra for Toronto-filmed movies and tv shows. Just like that show about that british guy, except not as funny and a lot more awkward.

A quick apology regarding the vaporware-existence of an ANTM Cycle 11 recap. I just didn't have it in me to make a video for a cycle that was so transparently bland. I certainly like McKey as a winner, but aside from Marjorie having a few spasms here and there, as a season it was barely worth watching.

But this cycle, that of Moses parting the red sea and other assorted nonsensical fashion babble, was a notch more entertaining, hence this little montage I made:



I'll see you on the sunny shores of livejournal!

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No, not yet

I know I said I'd have a recap up by last week, but school + work + sore throat + persistent cough + flu (or, as Eva would say, all these illsnesses) just wouldn't let that happen. It's always something, isn't it? I feel exactly how McKey looks in that screencap: easy, breezy, congested.

Thanks to all two of my readers (hi Grandma) for being patient.

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The Joker Always Wins

And by "always", I, of course, mean only twice. Last season of America's Next Top Model saw Whitney "Your mother should have aborted you" Thompson take the prize. And, as per this image, I don't think anyone can deny her resemblance to a sociopath murderer.

This season, perhaps echoing the character's popularity renaissance as a result of The Dark Knight, the Clown Prince of Crime steals the show in the form of someone who's actually, you know, hot:



If I'm going to be making unflattering comic book-y comparisons for McKey, it's only fair I do it for the other two bitches.

If Carol Brady...


...mated with Power Girl...


...their hellish spawn would definitely be Sam:


Along similar lines, if Buffy's little sister-who's-not-really-her-sister-but-some-mystical-energy-in-sister-form-or-some-shit-I-don't-know...



...didn't have sex, but like, did cutesy shit in the vicinity of Kitty Pryde:



...then the universe would collapse in on itself, sparking the rebirth of a new universe, which would mold itself in the image of Analeigh:



Sidenote: I love Kitty's jewish star necklace, in contrast with Analeigh's ever present peace sign. Work those symbols, precocious chicks!

It's definitely bizarre to have a season of ANTM end and not have it feel like it was a huge waste of time. Between hot and weird, schlubby but kinda funny, and genuinely sweet but kinda mediocre, I'm glad hot and weird won out. I'm really hoping McKey's Covergirl commercials consist of her cutting up the faces of mob bosses and throwing Maggie Gyllenhaal out of windows. Eviscerate with your eyes!

Video recap coming next week.
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The Dork Knight

I realise what I'm about to show you may or may not amount to pop culture treason, especially coming from someone who defends comic books as having as much merit as any storytelling medium, but please hear me out: I liked The Dark Knight. Loved it, even. But that doesn't mean it didn't have its share of unintentionally funny moments, mostly provided by Christian Bale's "Nobody is telling me to dial it down so I might as well just go all the way" Batman-voice.

As for Heath Ledger's performance, pretty much everything has been said about it already. I will concede that a lot of his reactions seemed so natural that I wondered if a few things were just bloopers that were left into the theatrical cut (the hospital explosion comes to mind). So a lot his funny moments were, you know, intentional. Seemingly! I can just imagine Tyra Banks praising him now. "You gave stupid, you gave idiot..."

That said, I've compiled a rather brief cliproll of The Dark Knight's slightly more ridiculous moments and lines. The fact that it's only 42 seconds long (and if you know how I edit videos, you know some of that shit is repeated) should speak to the strength of the movie's atmosphere. And hockey pads!



This post isn't quite queer enough, so you know how people have been saying America's Next Top Model's McKey is kinda Jokery?



To that comparison I say: WRONG. There was a frame in TDK when the Joker looked exactly like bridge walking, cupcake baking, my mom was a big influencing Cycle 10 winner, Whitney:



And there was also a frame when Batman actually made this face:



Which, funnily enough, is the exact same face I had when I saw this:



Also, I realise I might as well be asking if anyone's been using kittens to floss, but have you been reading Batman R.I.P.?



It is fucking insane.



Insane.



Insane.



Insane!



I'd be tempted to call this one of the most absurd things I've ever read, but considering that the DC universe was recently threatened by an alternate universe Superman who can punch through the barriers of time, I'll just settle with calling this whole thing fucking nuts.

Over the course of the story so far, Bruce Wayne has been memory wiped, befriended by an imaginary hobo, regressed to a semi-feral alien alternate personality, forged a nightmarish purple-and-red costume to match, and created a childish Imp in his likeness to accompany him as he beats the shit out of men and women wearing ridiculous, archetypal masquerade costumes.

Can't wait to see how it ends!

A post where I can talk about Batman, Top Model, and myself in almost the same breath is my favourite kind of post indeed. [Click to continue reading...]

I'm coming home again

Within the first hour of Silent Hill: Homecoming you

1. Murder at least eight nurses
2. Stick your arm into a slimy wall vagina to retrieve a bunny
3. Flirt with Travis from Silent Hill: Origins
4. Meet your friend's mom who looks the exact same age as her child
   
5. Bitch about your mom's dress
6. Receive an Achievement for walking around a playground (?)
7. Beat dogs with a lead pipe

Actually that last point can't really be improved upon, can it? You know you're in familiar, foggy surroundings when you're handed a blunt object and rewarded for mercilessly beating animals. Yes, they're violent, skinned, and possibly the product of your fractured psychosis, but my point is, once you kill a dog you get an Achievement called "Eddie's Legacy" and that is the best fucking thing EVER.

The point is, the game might be slightly less thoughtful and complex due to its developmental outsourcing (a property is only understood best by its original creators, yes?), but all the trappings and hallmarks of Silent Hill are here. It's a concept that's malleable - every game feels different, yet undeniably the same, and that's the exact feeling I'm getting here.

It is, quite simply, like coming home.
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Camwhore

A photo meme that's been floating around the blogosphere:

• Take a picture of yourself right now.
• Don’t change your clothes, don’t fix your hair…just take a picture.
• Post that picture with NO editing.
• Post these instructions with your picture.

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Just a little note

I wont be doing an ANTM cycle 11 premiere recap. I didn't really like my cycle 10 premiere video, as so early in the season I don't have a lot of things to say yet.

I like to wait till the end of the cycle when I can really think about and articulate my feelings on the 13 or 14 attention whores I've been intensely studying for three months.

That said, I have a feeling this will be the cycle of Sheena. Asians represent! [Click to continue reading...]